Uncategorized – FireLordOzai

I am clay

Awake at 3:30am. This is why I’m so tired throughout the day and nod off in church. Slept 6 hours and had a dream I had a girlfriend that cheated on me. I dreamt that I finally dumped her and yelled “Back to the streets” at her. Haha making important life decision in my sleep.
Went to the DTA office to apply for food stamps and cash benefits. They’ll contact me in the next few days. Right now I’m eating at the shelter and with money my mom sends me. There are food pantries and soup kitchens I plan to go to. I got complimented that I look big at the DTA office, I appreciate that and it’s a definite self esteem boost.
I maxed out for squat and deadlift today. There were two gorgeous Asian lifters next to me, one day I’ll have the confidence to speak to beautiful women and be put together enough to have something to offer, for now I grind and focus. My squat was 315 and deadlift was 335. Both lifts lost 20 pounds from before I went to jail.
Tanned, sauna, massage chair, all that good stuff. I’m waiting outside the shelter to go in and eat. I’m not getting much darker although I’ve tanned about 3 times, but my skin does look healthier 😃. The sun is out today, although so is the snow on the ground.
My mom is coming to bring me to the DMH office so I can get services. I’ve tried to work countless jobs and can only seem to last half a year at any one place (If I’m lucky). I need help and I want a career change or start lol. I plan to sign up for the semester of Southern New Hampshire University online starting in May. I’ll probably take a Japanese class as I’m already studying that daily on Duolingo and JapanesePod101.com.
I was looking at bodybuilding Competitions in Massachusetts as I’m still on probation for another year. I need $80 to register as an INBF amateur. I’ll do a competition as soon as I’m comfortable and then another one or two to figure out a routine. Then I’ll probably compete yearly or every half year so I have time to grow. As of right now I do not have a good shape to me and my lifts are rather low. I need to increase my power so I can increase my mass.
This is my physique right now, my starting point. I am a piece of clay to be molded. I used to have curly hair and I plan to get it back. I’d also like thick stubble rather than a short beard. The glasses, maybe a pair a bit more feminine.

Sleepy Sunday

I tanned for 15 minutes, it felt like less. As I was starting to fall asleep the machine shut off. I’m not seeing much of an increase in skin tone after 2 sessions, but my skin does look healthier.

I stayed in the sauna for 30 minutes, as usual. Watched funny workout videos on YouTube, OE Fitness and super hero videos like Superman being possessed by Trigon to fight Darkseid. When I got out the locker room was super cold. I took a shower after because I read that showering helps maintain a tan. Drank my protein shake and creatine. The creatine tastes horrendous in just water. It’s Creakong creatine and Muscle Milk protein powder. The shelter I live in used to give me a hard time about my supplements because it could be confused with drugs and people do a lot of drugs here. Now they just look at it and let me in with it in my bag. Makes life so much easier.

Found out that my gym, Choice Fitness, has massage chairs. This will change my post workout routine and help me recover. This gym is pretty good for my needs to bodybuild, sauna, massage chair, yoga, and I’m going to routinely take hot showers now. I have a cyst on my tailbone that stays away if I keep it warm, the shower water softens it too which is great.

Went to First United Baptist church, but unfortunately I haven’t been sleeping well since leaving jail. I was taking Clonedine in jail and getting the best sleep of my life. I repeatedly nodded off despite my best efforts to stay awake. I heard the sermon though and really liked it, it was about temptation and how Jesus resisted the devil after 40 days of fasting. They run the service for church in person and online, there was some kind of gathering after, but I was too tired and opted to try to get some sleep. I haven’t slept yet.

A buddy of mine reached out to me and we decided to hangout today, except he never showed up. I tried the massage chair while I waited for him and spent some time in the sauna too. I called, texted and messaged him on Facebook, but he never replied. I saw throughout the day that he was online, so I decided I don’t need a friend like that and blocked his number and Facebook. No hard feelings, I just don’t like to have my time wasted and then be avoided.

Being homeless can be tough. It can be lonely. People assume things about you that may not be true and treat you differently based on those prejudices. Being homeless drains rather than restores your willpower after working all day. Imagine busting your ass for a job and then struggling to find food or to get clean or sleep decently. Being homeless is like having the entirety of your society aligned against you. The police, hospitals, citizens and other homeless have done more harm to me than I ever would have expected. Hopefully I’ll overcome this situation and those people. Thank you for reading, have a blessed day/night.

Life after a year in jail

I’m reinventing myself as a bodybuilder, writer, college student and Japanese citizen after my year in jail. I wrote 16 flash fiction stories in jail and 140 pages of a novel titled ‘Shadow Moses’ (I’m not sure if I’m going to complete that story as keeping interest in writing is tough, but I don’t know what else I want to do with my life). I’ve been a wrestler, cage fighter, line cook, landscaper, supplementary instructor and have worked dozens of temp jobs. I did bodybuilding for a year when I was about 21 (8 years ago) and found that I was pretty good at it despite never competing. I’ll be competing this time and see how far I can get without steroids and then maybe how far I can get with them.
My name is Jose Ramos, I live in Lowell MA and being locked up sucked. I have some mental health problems and tried to kill myself and my mother in 2021, causing me to catch my first case and end up on probation for 3 years. Then 6 months into probation I had a mental breakdown and attacked a police officer. That is what led me to spending a year in jail.
I have always been into anime and video games, a weeb. After having tried to kill myself I decided I’d do the things I’ve always wanted to do including go to Japan. I’m currently studying how to speak Japanese and when probation is up I plan to live and possibly study in Japan.
For now I just want to get the basic facts of my life established and I plan to dive deeper into my experiences such as wrestling, time in jail, and share some of my flash fiction and daily routines as well as my bodybuilding progress.
Welcome to my life, hope you enjoy and wish me luck.